1. "There are things on heaven and earth,
    Horatio, Man was not meant to know"
2. "Things are not always as they seem"
3. "The only thing more reliable than magik is
    one's friends!"
4. "Careful planning is the key to safe and
    swift travel"
5. "Only constant and conscientious practice
    in the Martial Arts will ensure a long and
    happy life"
                                       -B. Lee
6. "Attention to detail is the watchword for
    gleaning information from an unsuspecting
                              -Insp. Clouseau
7. "Is there anything in the universe more
    beautiful and protective than the simple
    complexity of a spider's web?"
8. "In times of crisis, it is of utmost impor-
    tance not to lose one's head"
                                -M. Antoinette
9. "To function efficiently, any group of
    people or employees must have faith in
    their leader"
                       -Capt. Bligh (ret.)
10. "Man shall never reach his full capacity
     while chained to the earth. We must take
     wing and conquer the heavens"
11. "One of the joys of travel is visiting new
     towns and meeting new people"
                                      -G. Khan
12. "First impressions are of major importance
     in business matters"
                           -J. Pierpoint Finch
13. "The secret to winning the support of large
     groups of people is positive thinking"
                                  -N. Bonaparte
14. "A little help at the right time is better than
     a lot of help at the wrong time"
15. "Anyone who uses the phrase 'easy as
     taking candy from a baby' has never tried
     taking candy from a baby"
                                      -R. Hood
16. "Just because something doesn't do what
     you planned it to do doesn't mean it's use-
                                      -T. Edison
17. "The wonders of the ages assembled for
     your edification, education, and enjoy-
     ment - for a price"
                                -P.T. Barnum
18. "No matter what the product or service
     might be, you can find it somewhere else
                                  -E. Scrooge
19. "By persevering over all obstacles and
     distractions, one may unfailingly arrive at
     his chosen goal or destination"
                                    -C. Columbus
20. "With the proper consideration in choice of
     allies, victory may be guaranteed in any
                                     -B. Arnold
21. "One must deal openly and fairly with one's
     forces if maximum effectiveness is to be
                                      -D. Vader
22. "This is another fine myth you've gotten me
                             -Lor L. and Har D.
23. "Since prehistoric man, no battle has ever
     gone as planned"
                                    -D. Graeme
24. "Ya gotta be subtle!"
               -M. Hammer
25. "Just because you've beaten a sorcerer,
     doesn't mean you've beaten a sorcerer"
26. "A woman, like a good piece of music,
     should have a solid end"
                             -F. Schubert

1. "Life is a series of rude awakenings"
                            -R.V. Winkle
2. "First impressions, being the longest
    lasting, are of utmost importance"
                              -J. Carter
3. "Ninety percent of any business trans-
    action is selling yourself to the client"
                                -X. Hollander
4. "If the proper preparations have been
    made and the necessary precautions
    taken, any staged event is guaranteed
                    -Ethelred the Unready
5. "...Eye of newt, toe of frog..."
   -Believed to be the first recipe
    for an explosive mixture...
    The forerunner of gunpowder
6. "That's entertainment!"
         -Vlad the Impaler
7. "Numerical superiority is of no conse-
    quence. In battle, victory will go to the
    best tactician"
                                 -G.A. Custer
8. "Anything worth doing, is worth doing
    for a profit"
9. "There is more at stake here than our
                            -Col. Travis
                          Alamo Pep Talk
10. "One need not fear superior numbers if
     the opposing force has been properly
     scouted and appraised"
                                  -S. Bull
11. "Should old acquaintance be forgot..."
                    -Count of Monte Cristo
12. "This is no game for old men! Send in
     the boys!"
                                 -W. Hays
13. "Hold the pickles, hold the lettuce"
                             -Henry VIII
14. "We're looking for a few good men"
                           -B. Cassidy
15. "I'll worry about it tomorrow"
                        -S. O'Hara
16. "Myth-conceptions are the major cause
     of wars!"
                               -A. Hitler
17. "Diplomacy is the delicate weapon of the
     civilized warrior"
                                  -Hun, A.T.
18. "Just before the battle, Mother, I was
     thinking mos of you..."
                             -Sonny Barker
19. "What if they gave a war and only one
     side came-"
20. "Chain of command is the backbone of
     military structure and must be strictly
                               -F. Christian
21. "It takes a giant to fight a giant"
                               -H. Prym
22. "Hell hath no fury like a demon scorched"
                                   -C. Mather
23. "What is this, a Chinese fire drill?"
                                 -Sun Tzu
24. "...and then I said to myself, 'Why
     should I split it two ways-'"
                             -G. Mouser
25. "Is everybody happy?"
26. "All's well that ends well"
                      -E.A. Poe

1. "Dragons and Demons and Kings,
    Oh my!"
              -The Cowardly Klahd
2. "When old friends get together,
    everything else pales to insignificance"
                    -War, Famine, Pestilence
                     and Death
3. "That's funny, I never have any
    trouble with sevice when I'm shopping"
                                  -K. Kong
4. "'Weird' is a relative, not an absolute
                   -Baron Frank N. Further
5. "Nothing is impossible. Anything can
    be accomplished with proper prepa-
    rations and planning"
                         -Ponce de Leon
6. "Now you see it, now you don't"
                   -H. Shadowspawn
7. "A friend in need is a pest"
8. "Once more into the breach..."
     -Zarna, the Human Cannonball
9. "War may be Hell... but it's good for
              -The Association for
               Merchants, Manufacturers,
               and Morticians
10. "Old heroes never die; they reappear
     in sequels"
                            -M. Moorcock
11. "What do you mean, 'You've got a
     little job for me'?"
12. "Out of the frying pan, into der fire"
                        -The Swedish Chief
13. "If you can't dazzle them with dex-
     terity, baffle them with bullshit!"
                          -Prof. H. Hill
14. "As any magician will tell you - Myth
     Directions is the secret of a suc-
     cessful steal"
                              -D. Henning
15. "-Or was it unlock the safe then
     swim to the surface?"
                         -H. Houdini
16. "...and then the fun began"
                  -N. Bonaparte
17. "I'm sure we can talk things out like
     civilized people"
                                -J. Wayne
18. "What's the point-spread on World
     War III?"
                           -R. Reagan
19. "Why should I pay a troll just
     to cross a bridge?"
                       -B.G. Gruff
20. "What are friends for?"
                -R.M. Nixon
21. "We've got an unbeatable team!"
22. "No matter what the game, no matter
     what the rules, the same rules apply
     to both sides!"
                             -Hoyle's Law
23. "Life is full of little surprises"
24. "This contest has to be the dumbest
     thing I've ever seen"
                             -H. Cosell
25. "If you can't win fair, just win!"
                           -U.S. Grant
26. "Winning isn't the most important
     thing; it's the only thing!"
                           -J. Caesar
27. "Ask not for whom the bell tolls-"
                               -M. Ali

1. "There's something to be said for relatives
    ...it has to be said because it's unprint-
                                  -A. Einstein
2. "When things are blackest, I just tell myself
    'cheer up, things could be worse!' And
    sure enough, they get worse!"
3. "Once a knight, always a knight,
    But once a King is once too often!"
                -Sir Bella of Eastmarch
4. "Duty: a fee paid for transacting in
                -U.S. Dept. of Commerce
5. "The only thing worse that a sorcerer is a
    sorcerer's apprentice"
                                    -M. Mouse
6. "Good information is hard to get. Doing
    anything with it is even harder!"
                             -L. Skywalker
7. "There is no counter for a spirited woman
    except spirited drink"
                                  -R. Butler
8. "Choose your friends carefully. Your ene-
    mies will choose you!"
                                  -Y. Arafat
9. "I don't know why anyone would be nerv-
    ous about going to see royalty"
                              -P. in Boots
10. "Superior firepower is an invaluable tool
     when entering into negotiations"
                                   -G. Patton
11. "Tell you what. Let me sweeten the deal a
     bit for you..."
12. "I'm making this up as I go along!"
                              -I. Jones
13. "Marriage, being a lifelong venture, must be
     approached with care and caution"
14. "Some farewells are easier than others"
                                -P. Marlowe
15. "In a war against organized crime, survival
     is a hit or myth proposition"
                                      -M. Bolan
16. "It's always easier to destroy than to
           -Any general, any army, any age
17. "The best laid plans often go fowl"
                        -Wile E. Coyote
18. "Life can be profitable, if you know the
19. "These blokes need to be taught to respect
     their superiors"
                              -Gen. Cornwallis
20. "Figure the last thing you would expect
     the enemy to do, then count on him doing
     precisely that!"
21. "Stayin' alive! Stayin' alive!"
                        -V. Dracula

1. "Petty crime is the scourge of business today"
                                       -D. Lorean
2. "It all hinges on your definition of 'a good time'!"
                                             -L. Borgia
3. "It's all a matter of taste"
                     -B. Midler
4. "If you're too busy to help your friends, you're
    too busy!"
                                        -L. Iacocca
5. "What fools these mortals be"
6. "Not everything in life is funny"
                        -R.L. Asprin

1. "Nobody's seen it all!"
               -Marco Polo
2. "They don't make 'em like they used to!"
                                   -H. Ford
3. "It's not even a nice place to visit!"
                   -Fodor's Guide To Perv
4. "Taxis are water soluble"
                   -G. Kelly
5. "I just need to pick up a few things"
                              -I. Marcos
6. "There's no place like home!"
                     -H. Johnson
7. "...On the street where you live"
    -Quote from an anonymous extortion note
8. "There's never a cop around when you need
                                  -A. Capone
9. "...You gotta start somewhere"
                       -S. McDuck
10. "All financiers are not created equal!"
                                 -R. Corman
11. "How come I get all the hard questions?"
                                   -O. North
12. "HOLY BATSHIT, FATMAN! I mean..."
13. "Who? Me, Officer?"
          -J. Dillinger
14. "Parting is such sweet sorrow"
15. "Easy credit terms available..."
16. "You can judge the success of a man by his
17. "Bibbity... bobbity..."
          -S. Strange, M.D.
18. "'M' is for many things she taught me..."
19. "I am not a crook!"
             -Any crook
20. "Were you looking for me?"
              -Dr. Livingstone

0. "What am I doing here?"
    -Any recruit, any army
1. "What do you mean
    my characters talk funny?"
                    -D. Runyon
2. "We want to make you
    feel at home!"
             -L. Borgia
3. "Just a little off the top!"
                     -A. Boleyn
4. "Squeeze, don't jerk, the trigger"
                           -R. Rogers
5. "When I travel, nobody knows me...
    and I like it that way!"
                             -S. King
6. "Boards don't hit back!"
                    -B. Lee
7. "To Serve and Protect..."
       -Traditional motto of
        protection rackets
8. "It takes one to know one!"
               -Jack D. Ripper
9. "Manners are acquired, not inherited!"
                                 -S. Penn
10. "Now, here's my plan!"
                 -R. Burns
11. "That's why the lady is a tramp!"
                           -B. Midler
12. "It sure looks to me like a big night
                             -Arthur, Rex
13. "Weren't you expecting me?"
                      -J. Rambo
14. "You countermanded me on whose
                        -Pope John
15. "An army travels on its paperwork!"
                            -J. Carlson
16. "So what's wrong with following
     established procedures?"
                      -M. Gorbachev
17. "Ya gotta speak the language"
                      -N. Webster
18. "Has anybody got a plan?"
                 -G.A. Custer
19. "We must hurry... It's almost over!"
                                -P. Fogg
20. "I want a rematch!"
              -M. Tyson
Last-modified: Fri, 18 Jul 1997 07:46:27 GMT ASPRIN/epigraphs.txt